The Distilled Wisdom of Beavis and Butt-head

Episodes from the WORK SUCKS collection, 1994.

Burger World
When Beavis invites Butt-head "Let's go inside, I got an idea", it is easy to miss the deeper import of the message. He is in fact suggesting a deep meditation - looking inside, where thoughts prevail over the outside world and he can communicate his idea through the telepathic link that exists between these two unlikely spiritual masters. The apparent outrageous stupidity is simply camouflage for a depth of wisdom that might otherwise be devastatingly unsettling to those around them. When Butt-head declares "He's going to eat a fried mouse!" what is he doing but highlighting the limited range of acceptable ways of doing things on the material plane. From his more detached perspective, the idea that a mouse is less acceptable than, say, a chicken is a laughable example of the unenlightened human's inability to think outside the box. "And he's coming back later" - Butt-head recognizes the subconscious desire for his customer to further stretch his boundaries. "Did you know when you eat rumproast you're eating a cow's butt?" - another example of how mental concepts can produce physiological reactions. Even powerful masters can sometimes stray from the present moment, forget who they are and wander off into fantasies. At the end of the episode, Butt-head lovingly calls his friend back to the present with "Pay attention Beavis". This shows more compassion than the Zen method of hitting the student with a stick.

Customers suck
Beavis picks up a fried and melted telephone. He says "Welcome to the world, may I help you". This is a clear example of the man's wisdom and compassion. Somehow he knew that the person at the other end was coming down from an intense LSD trip. He was offering help in re-orienting the person to his environment.

A customer has become extremely upset with our heroes. Butt-head says "let's go break something". What impressive insight! He realizes that the impasse was caused by fixed viewpoints about how things should be, so he is suggesting that they break down some of those walls that confine people's thinking and limit people's imagination and creativity.

In a dramatic demonstration of the futility of empty ritual that has no valid spiritual basis, Butt-head makes the tempting invitation: "Pull my finger, dude". At first, Beavis says "No way", then catches on to the game. He pulls the finger, and, with great significance says "Nothing". At this point Butt-head reminds the viewers "SBD - Symbols can Belie the Divine" and they both laugh knowingly.

The Butt-head experience
"Come here quick, bare ass on TV". Is Beavis talking about a naked donkey? No, he is referring to the refreshing honesty of the TV station, which refuses to cover up the truth and, in colloquial parlance, shows the "bear-ass" reality of what goes on in the world. Butt-head concurs with the comment "PBS is pretty cool."

How appropriate that our heroes should be singing "Da Da Da" in a fantasy scenario. The reference is to Dada-ism, which is a rejection of all the fixed rules of logical structure, predefined ideas about beauty and even social organization. The audience is being challenged to look at the world in new and different ways.

At one point, Beavis inadvertently snaps his companion from a deep meditation. Butt-head shows his annoyance for an instant with an affectionate "you ass-wipe", but quickly regains his composure, pointing at that he was at the point of a major spiritual realization. He puts it in his modest and humorous way "I was about to have a wet dream."

Ever experimenting on the edge with daring new spiritual tools, just as the Native Americans use peyote, Beavis has a psycho-active toad in his mouth. Butt-head asks if he is licking it right, but his friend has gained mastery over his taste buds - "It tastes like chicken". They go running after the transformative creature, chanting their new mantra - "Here toady".

Be all that you can be
Always ready to satirize mankind's stranger activities, Butt-head is singing "You'd better watch out, cause I'm a war machine", then remembering the biblical imperative 'Judge not', he affirms "War songs are cool". Just then the military recruiter comes out and offers them a purpose in life. Butt-head reassures him that he is on a sound life path and is no lost soul, saying "This IS our purpose".

When the recruiter asks if he knows what a quota is, Butt-head gently guides him away from the unhealthy compulsion to recruit paid killers with a humorous quip "you mean like 25 cents?" When the recruiter offers to station them near Fort Dix, Butt-head makes a subtle reference to the insanity of war, saying "Is that anywhere near Fort Nuts?" The audience could easily have mistaken this for sexual innuendo, but it goes deeper. They both sign up with bogus names, mocking the intense seriousness of military statism.

The episode ends with a dramatic display of their teleportation abilities. Tossing the live hand grenade between them until it explodes, you see them in the next episode, clearly having removed themselves from the dangerous location at the critical moment.

Cleaning House
When a lecturer talks to Butt-head about manual labor, our hero seems stunned "There's a manual?" All these years of figuring out what is true and suddenly someone tells him it's all in a book! Of course this is a tongue-in-cheek question. He knows that the real source of knowledge and wisdom is within one's own heart. He remembers a previous life where he reminded Kahlil Gibran: "No man can teach you aught but that which lies in the dawning of your awareness."

Drifting somewhere in lofty etheric realms, where physical existence is mere trivia, Butt-head tries to put an 8-track tape in the VCR - "It won't fit, Beavis". His friend, knowing that all things in creation have their rightful place reassures him it must fit somewhere, and knowing that crass language is needed to bring him back to crass physical reality says "maybe your butt!"

The owner of the house tries so hard to be spiritual and compassionate. But our friends know that for his growth he must be weaned away from his over dependence on technology - particularly obsolete technology. So in their own poetic style they wash his 8-tracks in soapy water. "I know a cool way to dry these" muses Beavis as he finishes them off in the toaster.

Having completed their charitable act of "tough love", they quickly complete an extra special job of cleaning the house. The mask slips a little here as the heroes forget to hide their extreme competence in cleaning. They boost the flagging self-esteem of the house owner by telling him how special he is.

Sperm Bank
The television scene opens to a closed door at the sperm bank. Behind the door, a man is apparently creating some of their salable product. Here the mask slips again, as the masters make a giant intellectual leap, extracting from their memories all the cultural information about sperm banks, and making the logical deduction that this could be a source of money. Beavis says "We could do that!". Many highly evolved souls move in esoteric dimensions far beyond the details of survival in the physical world, so that money is the least of their concerns; still they need it to buy the necessities of life. And so we find our heroes. Butt-head, arriving at the same point of reference as his friend says "We're there dude".

To cover for the intellectual leap, the gurus give a convincing display of nervousness and inability to communicate their wishes on a subject that repressed humans find so sensitive. The understanding nurse make things easier for them because she knows what they came for. The boys cleverly avoid having to reveal their vast intellectual capacities by knocking over and destroying all the bottles of collected sperm.

The lesson here is that spiritual and sexual energy are the same thing. Butt-head demonstrates this by delivering a large container filled with the product of his spiritual prowess. Beavis, modestly hiding his greater prowess, asks with feigned surprise "I was supposed to use a container?" We have entered a controversial area. Many people believe that sexual energy is sinful, and if uncontrolled will cause us to burn in hell. Spiritual energy on the other hand, i.e. prayer to the true god will guarantee our permanent place in heaven.

Once again, the mask slips as Beavis is caught in a superb juggling act. In an oblique reference to 'the sound of one hand clapping', Butt-head jokes "Maybe you should do that with two hands". Interrupted by an angry customer, he drops the glassware, not wanting his highly refined dexterity to be noticed.

Many people are attached to money and give it serious importance in their lives; not so our heroes. Leaving the sperm bank with money in their pockets, Butt-head, with mock drama and surprise, proclaims "Maybe we could spend it!" A local store owner has been rather despondent with a downturn in sales, so, to boost his morale they buy a large stack of magazines. These, of course they will donate to underprivileged children at the nearby school.

Black Out
Watching an educational television show, for a moment, Beavis thought he had found a gap in his amazing vocabulary. He asks "What is ostespus?" When his friend reminds him it is like a health food, it jogs his memory: "Oh yeah, yeah."

Then the power fails. At that moment Butt-head is polishing his remote-viewing skills and having a slight difficulty: "The remote's broken". This may have something to do with his frustration at the absence of any worthwhile programming on television. The two of them use an old psychological device to diffuse anger: they start kicking the TV set until the tension is released.

Once, during preparation for a Vision Quest, Butt-head met some wise and brilliant but not formally educated shamanic masters. From this he learned a deep fondness for the vernacular: "I just like figured something out" - Butt-head has remembered that his Yoga teacher friend has satellite access to some European underground TV stations: "We gotta go watch TV somewhere else".

Out on the street, they see a looter running away with a television set. This is a particularly challenging situation for Butt-head who has discovered a penchant and a talent for finding the highest in people and getting them to re-evaluate their destructive behavior patterns. He calls "Hey, wait up dude", but it is too late, the poor fellow has been arrested.

Later, they see their old friend, the social-minded professor, who promised his do-gooder lodge that he would direct traffic in place of the traffic lights. There is still no electricity. He attempts to shirk his newly assumed responsibility and palm it off on our friends. Most of the town's drivers are taking advantage of the temporary absence of regulation and recklessly barreling through the intersection at maximum acceleration.

It's time for another lesson in tough love. In a dramatic pretense of incompetence, our spiritual teachers allow the good citizens to fully experience the consequences of their behavior. It is sobering to see how strong, macho men become whimpering complainers in the presence of a little pain or a crumpled car.

Closing Time
"Isn't there something we're supposed to do tonight" Butt-head prompts Beavis, hoping he will remember the Global meditation they had promised themselves to join, particularly since it coincides with Beltane. "I think we are supposed to like leave the house" he hints. Both know that the electrical wiring of the house disturbs the auric field, especially during meditation.

Beavis, with his dry sense of humor, feigns ignorance: "Is there another monster truck show?" Butt-head plays along: "No, I would have remembered that."

A television commercial brings them back to the reality of the paycheck. They are reminded of the work commitment, but are excited that it is for the "Late Shift!" With no other people around, they can playfully create an alternate reality in the work place.

"Check out these night crawlers I found in the parking lot" exults Beavis. He has endowed a cup of worms with mythical character. Butt-head carries the mood with a histrionic proclamation: "Bring forth the sacrificial worms." He challenges Beavis to transmute a worm into something edible and delicious: "I'll give you a quarter if you eat one". The nominal amount underlines the minor importance that our masters assign to such feats.

The two celebrate closing time with the messiest possible mock food fight "Burger catch", knowing that they can afterwards reverse the time vector and restore the place to pristine condition.

I wanted to extend this to a complete book, but could not get the copyright permissions.